Man trying to film ghosts catches girlfriend romancing son instead

Have a great day at work.

Think about your worst-ever day at work. Now cross your legs and count your blessings that you're not Edgardo Toucet. The Florida man has sued his temp agency after an on-the-job accident sliced off his penis and testicles. (Yes, we made the same face that you're making.) Toucet, a Puerto Rico native who doesn't speak English, says he wasn't given any "orientation or other formalized instruction or training" before being told to operate the razor-sharp peeler machine at a manufacturing plant. "Toucet came into contact with the machine's spinning blade, and his penis and testicles were completely severed," the lawsuit says, adding that other temp workers were "injured in prior similar accidents while operating the same peeler machine." [Source

I've always loved to have my thumbs sucked, now I know why.

Rafe Biggs, 43, is paraplegic. He broke his neck after falling off of a roof and now has no feeling below his waist. But a year after the accident, the Indiana native experienced something of an epiphany when a girlfriend sucked and massaged his thumb. "I felt this build-up of energies and felt I was getting closer and closer to orgasm," he said. "I never thought it would be possible, but massaging and sucking on my thumb feels a lot like my penis used to feel — it's really hot." Acceptable jokes are as follows: 1. Don't pick up this hitchhiker! 2. Don't take movie recommendations from this film critic! 3. Don't touch this man's thumb, because it's his penis! [Source]

Last time I checked they usually have showers in condos.

Last week's lockdown in Boston was tense for the residents and those of us who watched it on the major news networks. But for Esquire writer Dan McCarthy, it was terrifying AND awkward. McCarthy got stuck in a condo with his one-night stand, a girl who texted him a legit booty call at 2:00 a.m. After a night of drunken gymnastics, he thought he could get up and sneak out "with my cell phone and my dignity." Nope. Thanks to the lockdown, he had to spend the day "reeking of stout and sex," hanging out with the girl and her quietly judgmental roommate. But he still got lucky (and made a Dunkin’ Donuts run), so it wasn't ALL bad. [Source

Please don't hate me because I have a disease, I can't help it.

A Danish man has been acquitted of molesting two teenage girls after a positive diagnosis for sexsomnia. Think the term is a locker-room joke concocted by hormonal teenage boys? Nope, it's a real thing — a disorder that causes people to engage in sexual acts while they're sleeping. The two 17-year-old girls accused the 32-year-old man of touching them and making sexual motions. But when former girlfriends told him he'd been naughty with them in the same fashion, he visited a sleep specialist, who confirmed the affliction after examining his brain patterns. Don't try using this as an excuse for bad behavior: It's extremely rare, and even the prosecutor in this case admits, "It's not something that can be faked." [Source]

Go ahead and blame it on a ghost, that's what I would do you stinky little devil.